Divorcing can lead to significant emotional trauma and change, whether you initiated it or not, no one ever sets out to divorce when we walk down the aisle. Good meaning friends and family may suggest resuming a relationship or starting to date, but doing so too soon can cause even more emotional turmoil. 

Remember, there isn't a set time for starting a new relationship after a divorce or loss, a lot depends on how long you were married, whether you wanted the divorce or not, so it's important to not rush into dating due to societal pressures. Everyone needs different amounts of time for reflection, healing, and acceptance after such events. Jumping into a new relationship without fully processing your past can worsen your emotional state and also impact your future partners. Rebound dating and relationships spring to mind..

The 7 signs below are a good rough guide, but there are always accompanying reasons why "you" might not be ready or totally ready within certain time frames. Let me expand on this - You believed upto your divorce, you were happy, you loved your spouse, you were surprised, shocked they wanted a divorce when you felt you were jogging along nicely.  You felt there were no real tell-tale signs (or like so many, ignored, brushed aside differences, changes in your partner's behaviour and put it down to 25 years of marriage) In these circumstances YOU the injured party have not had time for your emotions to catch up with what has happened, your spouse has, they have planned and adjusted emotionally, and in their mind separated from you already. 

If this sounds familiar, not only will you have the fall out emotionally from not seeing it coming, but also the hurt of losing someone you still love, not forgetting, that your entire life, current and future will change from what you've known, including financially. This is a situation you need time to process everything, not rush into dating, regardless of the emptiness you will feel, when this happens, the last thing you need is a "rebound relationship" as your feelings for your spouse are probably still very mixed.

Equally if you reverse the above scenario, to being aware of your marriage or long term relationship was on the way out a long time ago, but you remained together in an effort to re-ignite your relationship, or sadly as happens these days, you've stayed together under the same roof due to financial needs, and basically have been leading separate lives under the same roof. This situation has allowed both parties to adjust emotionally, sever whatever bond you had naturally and to gradually become single people in every way before the legal process of divorce has taken place. This situation lends itself to being far more flexible as to when you may be ready for a fully committed relationship again. The 7 SIGNS below hopefully will help you to move forward at your own pace.

 1. You no longer feel angry or want to express your anger. 

2. You understand that divorce has both sides and have gained insights into relationships. 

3. You aren't preoccupied with thoughts about your ex anymore. 

4. You enjoy being single and are discovering yourself outside of a couple. 

5. The idea of dating excites you, and you're ready to find a compatible partner. 

6. You feel confident in how you present yourself to others. 

7. You are guided by your feelings rather than by external pressures about timing. 

There's no universal timeline for when to be ready for a new relationship or start dating; it varies for each person. You may enjoy discovering  more about yourself as a single person, we are not born as a couple, so take the time  to feel secure and confident within your own space. Trust your instincts and don't let others rush you into dating.

Jill Rhodes Harvey Dip.Couns